I am alone in my hour of need

I just feel like my friends dont want to know anymore. I try to organise to go ice skating, but they all seem to be busy, ones revising, ones going to oxford (which i know about ages ago) and the other is going out for a meal at 11am? Also when i try to go out with one specific friend, she always goes, is such an such coming and if i say no, she wont come out. Its like, am i not good enough anymore. Is my company boring? So when i need my friends support the most, they all dont seem to want to know! Nice eh?

Maybe i will wallow in my own pitty for a week, and all i do is maybe go to a concert (even though i have paid:/) which starts at 6:30 and we are leaving at about 5:30 due to one of the girls sisters only finishing at 5, then getting to the train station at the train will prob be at 6 to get to london (take 1.5 hours from my place). So we will prob get there at 8, then the concert finishes at 10. So im undecided on that one, mum thinks it will be stupid because we will be around islington untill about 10:30 if we cant get in, in one way i want to go because it will be fun, but in another way, i dont want to go because of timing and i have lost all interest in going to see my ALL TIME favorite band due to depression etc etc...

Oh i dont know, i will prob end up going, just to get out. But urgh!

Now i been invited to the cinema, but i dont know if i want to go, i might, again, just wallow in my own pitty! I want to go real bad, but im just really really down about my self harm/purgin episode and just generally down!

And my friend has just got a job, which she didnt apply for, her dad applied for her. Well he asked a lady who worked there to get her this job, and i think she shouldnt have because she didnt apply for it and what not, and she is going on about how she might have to work and she may have an induction and just all round rubbing it in, like she does. Now i will NEVER hear the end of it! FML! it is jealousy because i NEED the money really really bad and she gets it because she knows someone there and it pisses me off! OH well,, only 2 years left of that shit face!